NUMB

Today, the rain poured, it was chilling, and it was freezing in the bus ride home. Goosebumps were popping on my skin; but I was feeling normal, wasn't shivering, wasn't feeling uncomfortable. I felt normal, like room temperature, with the sun shining through the window.

Today, work was mundane; it was aching my back, and it was tedious and tiring. I wasn't complaining; I felt happy, it took me away from distractions. I feel happy doing a job I loathe.

Today, I boarded a bus home, which was filled with the kind of people I hated (no elaboration to protect myself); instead of glancing at them with despise, I decided to sit in the corner of the 4-seat cluster, with 3 of such people surrounding me. I did not feel hate, or smirk, or walk away, I just felt happy I got a seat.

Today, I decided that my heart will not hurt even when it should hurt the most, it will not beat for anything other than life. Today, I became the numb, cold human being I loathed; and I think it might take a long time before I am Vickie again.