GRAB A MATT TODAY.

Went to Bugis today.
Yes, on a warm Satiurday afternoon where I know tons and tons of Singaporeans will be out shopping and hanging; a day I avoid going out.

Singaporeans have to be the biggers mutha-f--kers available on this planet man.They will do anything to get their thick fat sweaty bodies into the train. So I was on the train from Admiralty to City Hall. Happy happy listening to Nelly Furtado on my iPOD. Suddenly hor, at Ang Mo Kio station right, a big fucking bunch of ah-sohs
scrambled into the already-packed train. Okay that's not the point; the point is the way they scramble into the train. How do you board a train, one may ask. Well, we just walk into it la. Or walk faster when the signal beep beep beeeeeeep. But all these mother cows hor, they cannot walk one leh. They must chiong into the train, like this is the last journey of their fucking lives. And they don't care about your presence one. They dash in liao hor, their thick fats sweaty arms with unshaven armpits will brush against your neh-neh and sometimes whole body. Woah. Can wait anot aunty. You not very nice-smelling leh. The train go liao, another 5 minutes the next one will come ok. Cheeeeeeeeeeesepie la.

Woah then at Orchard station hor, also another hellhole can. I was leaning against the side glass panel thing. Then the train already packed to the brim. When the signal beeeeep hor, this super thick and smelly man with his huge backpack cam chiong-ing in at the last ungodly second. No space for his cheebye body already hor, but still must squeeze in leh. Come in already, his whole cheeby body pressed against mine! FUCKYOUPERVERT. I push him away, cause I don't like strage people leaning on my neh-neh. Woah he very heavy.

Then at Bugis hor, once you come out of the train, everyone chiong to the escalator like bees to honey. Eh, escalator won't run away one. Relak la. Hah and KJ's toes got stepped on TWINCE by two different aunties. Very funny. Chao cheebye.

Singaporeans in general, and Aunties especially, can learn to relak abit and enjoy life? I know Singapore very kiasu and fast-paced, but if you all don't behave like this, you think Singapore will be ranked so high up in the fast-pace cities list meh? Cheebye.

Anyway the moral of my story is;

Go make friend with a matt today.
Learn to slow down and relak abit.
Jangan tension sia brudder. Relak la.

edit:
matt = the malay epitome of an ah beng.